


Loss and Regret

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-06
Updated: 2008-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-12 22:38:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first Quinn reminded him of loss and regret, of losing Daniel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loss and Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LJ's Stargatefest FEST01 - sg1, Jack/Jonas, Finding comfort  
> Also for fanfic100 prompt #89. Lost.

It was easy to blame Quinn for Daniel's death because he was here on Earth, at the SGC, alive and well when Daniel was...not. Jack knew that most of his resentment stemmed from that fact alone rather than for the role Quinn had played in the accident; a role that had led to Daniel making that ultimate sacrifice to save a world at the cost of his own life. Jack also knew he was being unfair towards Quinn because Quinn had given up everything to prove Daniel was innocent after the Langarans accused Daniel of causing the very accident that exposed him to lethal radiation. In retaliation, the Kelownans had branded Quinn a traitor, forcing him into exile on Earth.

The fact remained though that Quinn was walking around the SGC, sifting through Daniel's stuff and reading his journals as if he was trying to absorb Daniel's whole life, as if he was trying to replace him. Except Daniel was irreplaceable in Jack's eyes, and even knowing that he had ascended was not consolation enough. Jack wanted Daniel here with him; he wanted to see the bright intelligence shining in those blue eyes, hear his soft voice as he reeled off incomprehensible theories based on finds in dusty tomes and stone tablets, silently wishing he'd had the guts to say all the things he had felt for so long, all the things he'd kept hidden. He still regretted that he hadn't said those words when Daniel came back to say goodbye - though he had a strong feeling that Daniel had known anyway; he had known he was loved.

Now, three months after Daniel's loss, Jack felt a twinge of guilt whenever he saw Quinn wandering along the corridors of the SGC, or in the cafeteria, usually seated alone like he was some kind of Pariah. Jack knew that his attitude towards Quinn was a major part of the problem. Daniel had been well liked and respected after all these years saving the planet, so people were taking Jack's lead in keeping Quinn at a distance.

It all changed when Anubis attacked Earth using the Stargate as a bomb. Like Quinn, Jack could only watch from a distance as Sam and McKay tried to resolve the problem, and yet he imagined how much harder it had to be for Quinn who could at least follow the math and theories as the pair of geniuses...genii?...hell, he wasn't sure what the plural was, but they argued like siblings rather than colleagues. Through the hours that followed, Quinn stood on the sidelines, left out of the equation as the Stargate slowly built towards an overload that would destroy half the State of Colorado and plunge the world into the next ice age, eradicating most life from the planet. The sort of extinction level event that was the stuff of science fiction movies until that day.

It was Quinn's suggestion, posed as an inquisitive question as he stared up at the Stargate that led to the solution, even though it forced Jack to put his life on the line...again.

At the end of the day, the Stargate was sent a few thousand miles away between the Earth and the moon, exploding harmlessly in space, and the Earth was saved. Jack hated to admit that he owed his life not only to McKay for that extra piece of code that meant he could eject before the X302 went through the unstable wormhole, but to Quinn for his lateral thinking that had eventually saved the planet.

When Quinn approached him again, asking to be more than a scientist stuck deep inside Cheyenne Mountain, Jack relented. He'd needed a fourth for his team anyway and he was damned if he was going to let the Russians put one of their own men on his team.

***

Jack found Quinn in the cafeteria a few days after their first assignment as a team and sank into the seat opposite, smiling wryly as Quinn looked up in both surprise and pleasure. At this time of the night the place was empty apart from a skeleton kitchen crew, with pots of coffee and wrapped sandwiches left available for those working the late and overnight shifts, and for returning gate teams.

"Colonel O'Neill," he exclaimed with a bright smile. Quinn indicated towards the journal opened up before him, and Jack felt his heart stutter in his chest as he recognized Daniel's scrawl and detailed drawings of hieroglyphs. "I've been studying Dr. Jackson's..." He trailed off, eyes intent on Jack's face and obviously seeing what Jack had tried to conceal. The bright smile faded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend by reading..."

Jack waved a hand, covering the momentary heartache with flippancy. "Nah! Knock yourself out. Daniel would've got a kick out of someone actually reading his field notes."

Quinn looked unconvinced for a moment and then his strange affability shone through again and he smiled. "He had some amazing theories regarding the ones you call the Ancients and the Goa'uld and Asgard, connecting to religious texts found across the galaxy--"

"Woah!" Jack raised both hands faced outwards as if to ward of the words. "That wasn't an okay for you to tell me all about it."

Quinn looked apologetic and uncomfortable, and Jack felt that sense of guilt creeping up on him once more. In a place where every corner held some memory of Daniel, Jack had managed to avoid thinking about his loss, putting on the stoic face of a military commander, pretending that Daniel was just another soldier lost under his command - and there'd been more than a few over the years. He'd fooled the base psychologist but Jack was too clever to fool himself. He knew he was grieving for a friend and for lost chances.

"You loved him."

Jack looked hard at Quinn but saw only compassion and not pity in the man's eyes.

Less than an hour later, Jack sighed deeply as Quinn's fingers played with chest hairs that were turning silver-grey, shivering as a fingertip brushed across a too sensitive nipple, and wondering how he came to be in his room with Jonas tucked up against his side. His limbs felt pleasantly heavy, belly sticky from their joint release. His hand stroked across sweaty flesh, sighing at the warm breath on his chilling skin that preceded small, light kisses. Jonas moved against him, raising his head to look at Jack.

"Tell me about Daniel Jackson."

Jack laughed softly as memories of good times rose to the surface, dispelling the dark shadows of bitter loss and regret. "When we first met..."

He talked into the night, and Jonas listened as they took comfort in a life that had touched both of them.

END


End file.
